For all of you who have been following me for a while, you know that this sudden spurt in writing is unusual. I had only been blogging about once a week, and now it is suddenly becoming a Monday though Friday thing?
Well, first I burned out. And I was actually about to be done with it all. Because I was thinking too deeply. I overthought what I should type. I re-read and scratched posts way too many times.
Because I was allowing other people’s opinions to guide me. “Opinions” that were never spoken. No one once told me I should only write a handful of posts each month and that they had to be blow you out of the water good. But in my head I figured that’s what others wanted. And I simply felt I could do that no more.
I tend to be a people pleaser.
It is an issue I am working to overcome.
But I think that I was born to write. That it was one of those things that God just places in people, and they almost have no choice in the matter. It is the way I am able to express my thoughts and feelings. The method I use to work through issues, to soak up moments.
I write it, and I feel it. I feel it with everything in me. Because these are not just words to me. This is my heart, poured out for all to see. And sometimes it is scary, and it is vulnerable. And yet, I still cannot stop writing.
I write because I breathe.
I cannot seem to comprehend one without the other.
And to be able to write like this, on a more regular basis… Well, my breathing has become deep these past few weeks, and my lungs are full once more.
How will I have that much to say? Won’t I burn out?
Perhaps. You see, I tend to go through life like the wind. Here and there, this place to that place.
I think it’s why my husband and I have moved eight times in five years of marriage.
I think it’s what makes me a great mom. Because kids are like the wind too, changing constantly. And I have no problem simply picking up the new flow. In fact, I embrace it.
And so perhaps in a month from now I will go back to less frequent writing. Perhaps I will write a book. I suppose you never know.
But today I feel the wind beneath my wings. And so today I will write once more.
I hope that through writing often I will be able to show myself more transparent than ever before. I hope to be more raw. To express my heart more openly.
And I hope that you too will find the courage to do so yourself.
We are moms. There is simply something that bonds us with that name. And yet too often it just feels good to hide behind that smile that says “I have everything together.” I hope that this will be a place where we can admit that in fact we do not have it all together. Because life is not easy. And life with kids is dirty. And we are humans, and humans are full of junk.
So to us, the moms who do not have it all together, may we hold fast to each other.
You are the ones who encouraged me when I felt like quitting so many times.
Words will never truly express…
Thanks for supporting me in this.
Thank you for coming along on this journey with me.