Readers' Favorites · Real and Raw · Toddlers

Grasping at Moments

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Pierce had a seizure this morning. Of all places to be, we were sitting with his pediatrician for his well check up. I had no idea he had even the slightest temperature. He was acting very sleepy, his head resting on my chest. Suddenly, he flung back, his eyes rolled, and his body began jerking uncontrollably. I am still shaking from the memory.

His temperature had soared to 105 degrees F in a few short hours, bringing on the febrile seizure. It happens sometimes in children between the ages of six months and five years. It is the way their body reacts to the extreme rise in temperature. It does no harm to the child. It does a lot of harm to the mom.

He is okay now. Medicine, baths, popsicles, and lots of cuddles for the next 24 hours of monitoring. He is napping as I write this. I need to write this, fast, before I forget any of it.

I was unable to do anything to help as the doctor and nurse took over. I stood helpless as this awful reaction seized his little frame. There was but one thought screaming through my head, “Oh, God, PLEASE, hold my baby!” The fears, the trembling, the utter desperation to see your child well. It is in these all too real and raw encounters that life is put into perspective quicker than you ever thought possible.

Life is precious, to be grasped at every last moment. No more taking hours for granted.

What is truly important? Is it having a white picket fence around my perfect little home, a nice car, designer shoes?? Is it about “me time” success time, purpose, career, praise, acknowledgment??? A fit body, shiny hair, smooth complexion??? For all the times I spent craving any one of these petty things, my shame runs deep.

Today, I desire nothing more than my healthy little boy back.

Pierce, you are my breath, my heart,  my soul. You scared the living daylights out of me this morning. Please do not ever do that again. I knew I loved you before. Now I know I love you more than air, more than sunlight, more than anything which makes this world go round.

I long for nap time to be over. Wow, who knew I would ever say that?? I simply want to hold you again. To feel your breathe upon my neck, to know you are fully mine.

One more thing:

I do know sometimes coincidences happen. However, I believe the chances of sitting right next to a doctor we see twice a year, in that very moment, was something much more than a coincidence. And so to this I say, ‘Thank you God, for holding my baby. Thank you God, for holding his momma.’ 

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120 thoughts on “Grasping at Moments

  1. So glad that your little one is doing okay, that sounds extremely scary. After our car accident today I am feeling the same way. Enjoying every moment and no longer sweating the small stuff.

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    1. Oh Daney, how awful!!! Was anyone hurt?? So, so thankful for lives saved and Someone looking out for you! Sweating the small stuff really does seems so petty when life throws you one of these curveballs.

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  2. I’m sorry you had to go thru this, I can’t even. It must be really terrifying. God did hold your baby, God is great and thankfully you were in the right place at the right time. Sometimes in moments of desperation we don’t know what to do and we just stand helpless. Your baby will get better, I have your family in my prayers.

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    1. Thanks, little man is already well on the mend!! He certainly knows how to scare this momma though! 🙂 I really do believe God was holding him in that moment, and I trust Him to never let go.

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    1. I shudder every time I think of what it would have been like had I been all alone with him! I am completely in awe every time I think about the exact timing of it all!

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    1. Thanks John! Yes, he is definitely a trooper and has already celebrated his road to recovery this morning with four large spoonfuls of peanut butter. A true man for sure. 🙂

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  3. I am sorry your son (and you) suffered in this way, but I am very glad it occurred where it did. Thank God is right.

    I experienced the same thought today, also sitting with my daughter in her pediatrician’s office for her nine year old physical. She didn’t have a seizure (if she did, my hands wouldn’t be still enough to permit me to write this, I have no idea how you managed this post.) As I watched her blood pressure being taken, her pulses measured, her touching her toes, I thought Thank God she is healthy. It’s all that matters. That’s it. Nothing else. Thank God.

    Sending you hugs and wishes for good health for your family,
    Elizabeth

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    1. Thank you seems so inadequate to say to Him, and yet it is all I can say, over and over and over again. You are right, to have healthy children is all that matters! Thank you for your wishes. Pierce is doing great!!

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  4. Am so glad little man is okay now. Hold him close and breathe him in, but remember to take care of his momma too. She’s fragile and he needs her. Deep breaths, Sasha, deep breaths. And you already know someone has a hand on both of you. No fear…..go forward in confidence.

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  5. Oh my goodness. I cannot even imagine the emotions you felt. Just reading it made me nervous and my heart goes out to you. I have to agree though, you definitely experienced a tender mercy from God today. What a blessing to be where you were at just that moment. Thinking of you tonight. 🙂

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    1. Thank you Marla! Tender mercy describes it perfectly. I was talking to the nurse just today and she was saying how everyone at the doctor’s office could not get over the timing of it. “Those babies definitely have some good angels,” she told me. I couldn’t agree more! 🙂

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      1. Oh I love that. I completely agree. Even though we can’t see angels, I feel sometimes so acutely that they are blessing our life. 🙂 I hope Pierce is doing better today. And YOU, too. Sending happy thoughts your way!

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  6. I’m so glad everything is ok! Thanks for sharing this link with me from OM’s blog, I really resonate with this as my youngest son had a seizure years ago. Everything was ok then too, I like you am very blessed 🙂

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    1. Oh Kellie, it really is simply one of the most terrifying things to watch! Even after the doctor assured me everything was all right I could still not stop my own trembling. Thank you for sharing this about your own son. It helps to talk to another mom who has been there, done that!

      Also, I was a bit confused about who OM is?

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  7. That is the most horrible feeling. That happened to my daughter while we were traveling in Taiwan. It was the scariest thing I have ever gone through and still worries me every time she gets a fever (it’s been over a year since it happened). Thank God for his many blessings even in scary times. 🙂

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    1. Oh dear momma! I cannot imagine having to experience it while traveling, and not even in my own country. I completely understand how the fears would want to grip you, even in just two days I cannot let him sleep more than 15 minutes without wanting to run into his room and make sure he is okay. The good thing to remind ourselves is the seizure will not harm them. . . Just us! 🙂

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        1. I really think that is a great idea!

          I was just talking with my mom because I remembered my little sister had them when she was young. My mom said after the first few she started trying to pay close attention to any signs of beginning stages of fever. This way she could help prevent it from ever spiking. At the time I had no idea Pierce was sick, but thinking back on the morning he was extra fussy, clingy, and did not eat any breakfast.

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  8. Your words always touch me, Sasha. Because I have a little boy not too much older than yours, this really spoke to me. How scary and I’m glad your little boy is okay! And your last paragraph…well tears were in my eyes by the end of that. Thinking of you!

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    1. Thanks Hannah. It was a terrifying experience, and yet His mercies showed themselves great through it all. I have been in such awe of the timing of things! It was a beautiful reminder to me that no matter what life brings, He will never leave us alone.

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        1. He is definitely doing much better, running a low grade fever now. We are being very careful to not let it spike again!! He did, sadly, pass it on to his sister today. 😦 I can handle fevers though, just no more seizures! 🙂

          How is your crew?? Were your daughters pretty shaken up from it all?

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          1. I am sure, after a seizure, fever is a walk in a park. Keep doing what you are doing, you are a great mom!
            My girls are fine, I jumped in the pool before they realized what was happening. Today, they both had their swim practice, and never mentioned last night 🙂

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  9. My niece has epilepsy. The terror and fear of her first grand mal still sit in my mind like it was yesterday. I can not fathom seeing my own child have one. I am not a mother yet, but the gut wrenching terror I had as an aunt must be just a speck of what a mother feels seeing her child go thru it. Im sorry you had to go thru that, but I’m so glad your baby is okay now! ♡ God Bless♡

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    1. Sweet girl! I cannot begin to imagine the emotional pain and heartache from watching a child have to experience epilepsy. I am very blessed neither of my children suffer from this, but yesterday gave me just a taste of what it must be like for those whose children do. Prayers for them today.

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      1. It is tough, but as scary as it is, it is remarkable to see how strong she is despite it all. Kids suprise me constantly how fast they rebound! Hope your lil one is feeling better!

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  10. Oh sasha, what a terrifying experience. I’m so grateful, and certainly do not think it’s a coincidence, that you were sitting in that office. So glad he’s ok, and so are you. Sometimes God jolts us back into perspective. He’s on a role this week! ☺ prayers for you and your precious baby boy.

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    1. Every time I think of what it would have been like to experience that alone I tremble. I go to their doctor 2, maybe 3 times a year. All I can say over and over again is thank God! My perspective has never been so on key as in these past two days!! 🙂

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  11. How scary! God was definitely keeping a watchful eye over you guys today. I’m so glad he’s okay… I can’ stand my baby having a cold or getting her shots, I couldn’t imagine holding her as she started to have a seizure! Sending positive vibes your way!!

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    1. Thanks Megan! As scary as it was I am so glad it did not bring any harm to him. In fact, the seizure helps brings the fever down. It has been an emotional couple of days though so I will snatch your vibes right up! 🙂

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    1. Oh I wouldn’t have known what to do either except call 911. I am so overwhelmed with gratitude that we happened to be visiting with the doctor in that exact moment. She took over, knowing exactly how to handle the situation, and even reassure me everything was going to be okay. I will never forget her kindness through it all.

      I am wiped though, and still a bit trembling, so I am definitely taking your hug!! 🙂

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  12. I feel your pain, recently we received a call telling us our son was in an accident and we needed to meet him in the emergency room. No matter how old they are, it is always such a helpless feeling for us mom’s.

    Happy to hear everything is all right.

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    1. Oh sweet momma!! How is your son doing now?? The helplessness is the worst feeling in all the world I think. I am so thankful there was nothing seriously wrong in my son’s situation. Frightening, but no where near fatal.

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      1. After a few rough weeks and three months of slow recovery, he is back to normal finally. I am just thankful he had great friends near him when this happened. I don’t know what would have been the outcome if he would have been alone.
        Thanks for asking and i hope your little guy is feeling better soon.

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        1. Isn’t it terrifying when we consider the “other” option. Just thinking how your son was not alone at the time sends shivers down my arms. It seems the angels do not leave our babies even when they grow. 🙂

          I am so glad he is all right!!!

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  13. Oh Sasha, my heart broke as I read this. And cried for your little boy, and you, in that moment. I am so glad that God held both of you. I can’t imagine how you truly felt at that moment. I have never had to experience that, and pray I never do. But, what a testimony of God’s faithfulness to you both. You are absolutely right, and the truth of it brings me to tears this morning: all of those other things really don’t matter. At all. God is holding you and him, and that matters more than anything. May your heart continue to swell in gladness as you hold him close this morning.

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    1. Rebekah, I could have went through the seizure alone. The horror and panic. . . I do not even want to think about it. However, in the end Pierce would have still been okay. By being with the doctor I was told in just over a minutes time that everything was going to be all right. I really believe God was watching out for me, simply because He loves me, simply because He did not want me to have to experience this alone. He placed me in the exact right place at the exact right time and I am overwhelmed with His love.

      I think in the big scheme of things it was but a small gesture of His kindness. A gentle reminder of His promise to forever be by my side. Forever watching over my babies.

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      1. That is beautiful Sasha. I am so glad that you got to experience His kindness in such an intimate way. And I love how you shared this experience with us and glorified Him through it! Thank you again. I know these are hard things to write about, but they are real. And we can all see that. Thank you for letting us in to see the wonder of what God has done for you and Pierce. 🙂

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  14. I am glad he is doing better. 🙂 What a horrible thing to go through though. Everyday, there is so much to be thankful for …for the so many little and big ways He holds us.

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    1. Kim, you are right! This was a big wake up call to everything I have to be thankful for. However, every day, in every moment, there is always something to remind us of His hold. We only need to take the time to notice. Thank you for sharing this!

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  15. Seizures can be really scary evemts , especially when it is a loved one going through one. I am glad everything is alright and you were fortunate to be at the doctor’s office.

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  16. Oh Sasha – how awful for you! Bless your poor little buddy… I am so glad he is on the mend and getting that fever under control. Life is precious, every single breath of it. And a sick baby will knock the stuffing right on out of its momma… get some rest, my friend. He is going to be fine. 🙂 xxx Mother Hen

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    1. Thank you so much for your sweet advise! I have noticed the more “seasoned” moms keep telling me to find some rest and strength myself, and I am guessing these words of wisdom come from experience. I suppose the best thing for me to do is heed the advise. 🙂

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  17. This is so scary! I’m glad everything turned out okay, although I’m sure it takes time to recover from seeing your child have a seizure!

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    1. Thanks Melissa! Yes, I am definitely still reeling a bit from it all, almost like walking through a dream these past few days. I am just so overwhelmed with gratitude that it was not anything serious and little man is slowly getting back to himself!

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  18. Oh Sasha! I can’t imagine how scared you must have felt!! I’m hugging my little guy a little tighter as he finishes his nap on my chest right now. Prayers for health for you & your family.

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    1. Thank you so much Keri! Your prayers are truly appreciated! Yes, hold your sweet boy extra tight today and for as many days as he will allow. Their life is so precious, worth more than anything.

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  19. Oh my gosh what a scary thing. Thank you for writing this post. Your words remind me to keep things in perspective. It is so important to live every moment as if it was our last.

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  20. There is nothing more important than remembering that God holds each and every one of us, through thick and thin. Thank you for reminding me of that today (and thank God your baby boy is ok!!!).

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    1. Thank you for sharing this Selena! It brings me encouragement to connect with another mom who has experienced this. At the time of your post your son had his second fit. Did he ever have any more?

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      1. Thankfully he hasn’t had any since. Each time he got a fever we’d give him a dose of paracetamol immediately to bring down the fever. I also started using essential oils and found its worked amazingly for him. He doesn’t get those terrible coughs that need nebulizer anymore. And when he gets a flu his nose is not as stuffy as before. Often those led to his fevers. He’s been off meds n hasn’t seen a doc since I started essential oils!

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        1. I have a friend who recently started using these as well. It wouldn’t hurt to give it a shot! Thank you so much for telling me about them. I am going to start looking into it ASAP!

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    1. Oh, how fun! I must have left a comment there I did not even remember. I love the way in which the strands bring us together!! So happy to have connected with you Kellie!

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  21. Poor baby. I’m glad he’s okay. I’m so familiar with the febrile seizures. My son had 3 of them last year. First time I’ve ever witnessed it, I was home alone. I knew he had a fever, but I was giving him his dosage of tylenol to keep it down. I became so hysterical, because I thought I was losing him when it happened. Scary stuff. Alternating between tylenol and ibuprofen every 4 hours helps. 🙂

    -Sophia from http://www.sophiacoleblog.com

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    1. Oh Sophia, how my heart breaks in a million pieces for you having to experience it all alone!!! I too would have thought the worst had I been by myself. I am so glad it is all over now and after this I hope to find some way to bring more awareness to the issue. For other mommas just like us, to be aware and prepared ahead of time if it were to happen to their child.

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      1. I completely agree with you. It’s something to pay attention to. Not many moms are familiar with the febrile seizures…especially new mamas. That night, I really thought I was losing my son, and I was shaking so much. I couldn’t even dial the 911 number. If I had known what I know now about them, I wouldn’t had freaked out so much.

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    1. He is slowly making his way back. Unfortunately, he shared the illness with with his sister too. :-/ After a seizure though, fevers seem so much more mild! Thanks for taking the time to ask about him!

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    1. Erika, isn’t it crazy how quickly that which we once saw as important suddenly has such little meaning now?! I wouldn’t trade my life now for anything, even if it has the occasion terror from time to time! 🙂

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  22. Oh my goodness, Sasha! I’m so very sorry that happened to him and to you. That is terrifying. So very glad he is ok. Angels were watching out for that sweet boy, I’m sure. I totally agree with you, there are coincidences, but so often I think God has a hand in our lives and blesses us with tender mercies, even when we don’t notice. He was certainly watching out for your little guy!! I’ll be holding my little guys a bit closer today after reading this. Thank you again and again for reminding me of what is most important!

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    1. Tender mercies describes it perfectly. And I think you are right. In this moment I knew He was there. I imagine though, that His arms are present much more often than we ever realize. Hold those dear boys tight! 🙂

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  23. So scary – my son had a couple of these too when he was little. Supposedly it doesn’t harm them at all and is more scary for the parents to observe. On his 10th birthday, he had another seizure – which is out of the age range for febrile seizures but we think he was dehydrated after spending happy hours at the beach and in the warm sun. So as he gets older, be sure to keep him well hydrated too. Glad Pierce is ok. Hugs!!

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    1. Oh you poor momma! Ten is old, and I can only imagine your anxiety. I never thought of dehydration causing one at an older age. This is really important to know!

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  24. Thanks for sharing this, I think we all need to remember sometimes that those things we can strive for in life can be meaningless. Two of my boys have had close calls with asthma and seizures and each time I believe God was in the timing. Like you all i could do was ask the lord to hold my babies and he did. Hope your little one is well now. x

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    1. Oh how awful for you to have to experience that! I am so thankful they are both okay now. It really does leave you in complete awe of a God who keeps our children safe in His arms. Thank you for sharing this!

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  25. Oh my sweet friend…….I am so glad he is well. This incident reminded me of several throughout the years…when I believe the boys’ angels were working overtime!! And it reminds me of the times as adults that I have no choice but to leave them entrusted in the arms of the Father….how thankful I am for you, your family and your precious blog!!

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  26. I know all too well what that’s like. My youngest daughter had one of those about a year ago. Scariest moment of my life. Thankfully yours happened at the doctor’s office. Mine did not and I will tell you I was so terrified I would not let her go. I wouldn’t let anyone hold her unless I absolutely had to.

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  27. Greetings Sasha. I checked out your site after you liked a few of my pists and chose to follow me…how kind if you. It seems you have quite the following so you are hitting at the heart of what matters to people. This post resonates with me as both of our children were severe asthmatics when young. It was a frightening and exhausting season of our lives. Praise God as both are healthy now. I wish you and you little ones blessings of healing and hope.

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      1. Thank you, Sasha. You understand all too well about those scary times. I sincerely wish you and your children the very best. Please excuse all typo errors as my fingers are often too big for my cell keypad! I try to proof, but miss correcting at times. Take care.

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