I set up the camera on the tripod and we had fun taking some photos together. I did it for them. To give them some memories of us together when they are older. To remember that mom was there too.
It was later that day, when I finally uploaded them onto my computer and saw them in front of me that I suddenly found it hard to breathe. And the tears began to flow. For I realized in that moment that these are just as much for me as them. Because seeing my life from this angle–from the outside looking in–tore my soul apart.
My crazy, messy, so very beautiful life with them suddenly so apparent. The way they love me in such uninhibited ways. The unguarded passion they give me daily. Their eyes that look at me like I am their whole world, because I am.
We love our kids so much it hurts. We think about them constantly and wonder how we ever lived without them. But how often do we realize how deeply it goes both ways? That their fervor is just as real, just as big.
Motherhood is love so deep it can never be articulated. Never fully understood. But childhood matches it kiss for kiss.
It can be harder to see at times. Difficult to realize in the midst of crying and screaming and being hit because you didn’t let him cross the street on his own. Or being screamed at for saying no to a second cookie. Or being humiliated in public for the millionth time since having your first baby.
But it’s there, forever there.
It’s in the way they run full force to your arms after being separated for some time. The midnight wakings and crawling into your bed, simply to lie next to you. The giving you dandelions with all the passion of a hundred roses. The “Watch me, mom! Watch me, mom! Watch me, mom!” because your praise means more than anything else in all the world.
Choosing your arms to chase away their fears, your touch to comfort the pains, your words to silence the doubts. Your simple presence in the room because their life is forever better with you close to it…
Love your babies, momma. And give your heart full force to them. But know you are not the only one giving out. They say motherhood can be draining. But what if we stepped away from this saying? What if we realized motherhood is a constant flow of giving and receiving love? If only we were intentional enough to see it’s deep passion each day–deep passion in the big eyes that are forever looking at his momma, at her world.
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