Real and Raw

Dear Husband, I Still Love You

engagement2

Dear husband,

I’ve been busy. You’ve been busy. Kids and work have taken over our lives. It has become the normal it seems: this daily hustle, this forever busyness. These few scattered words spoken to each other in between the noise and chaos of it all.

Do you remember when we first started dating? College students with no obligations but homework. Do you remember the hours we would spend doing nothing important at all? Long walks just because; sipping Starbucks next to laptops and textbooks; driving to our favorite spot—the wide open field where we would lie and watch the stars, imagining our future together. This same spot where you would ask me to marry you, to grow old and gray together. We had no idea what this really meant.

Our life was so simple then, so free. We would express our love daily. We would kiss like it was our last. We always held hands—always…

You finally walk in the door after a long day of work. You are almost knocked over by two excited kids, immediately requesting tickles and chase. I use the moment to quickly get a few things done. There is no kiss, no embrace, to be honest we don’t even say “hi.”

And so goes the few hours we have together, consumed with busy. And often by the time the kids are down one of us is falling asleep as well, and I realize we did not really talk more than a few sentences together. Unless you count ‘can you grab me a diaper?’ as one.

The days seem to somehow find themselves melding together, weeks, months, flying by. Most of them we do not say too much to one another, and what we do say seems to be about everything else but each other…

Although we don’t say it as much, I love you more now than ever before. Although we don’t do it as much, I still feel my heart racing every time I hold your hand.

The few scattered words spoken in between the chaos, the quick conversations caught amongst the never ending noise—they whisper I love you.

The trading off of kids, while one goes to soccer and the other to ballet, through shoes and coats and shouts of ‘don’t forget the ball!’—they shout with it I am still yours.

The evenings where we finally find ourselves together in complete silence, too tired to say anything at all—they utter I only want to lie next to you.

And this love? It speaks I love you even when I can’t stand you. I love you even though I do not always come first anymore. I love you even though this love demands sacrifice.

I love you through crying babies and screaming toddlers, through exhaustion and fighting. I love you through hardships and tears, through joys and laughter. I love you in the midst of dirty diapers and spilled milk, baggy eyes and our third cups of coffee. I love you through sweat pants and bad breathe, burnt dinners and emergency take outs.

I love you through the chaos, through the never ending noise.

Our life is consumed with busy, but if you listen closely, you can hear its unmistakable whispers of love. And this life we now live? Well, this life is better than anything we imagined under those stars.

Love,

The one who still wants to grow old and gray with you.

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28 thoughts on “Dear Husband, I Still Love You

  1. Sasha.
    I. LOVE. THIS. POST. !!!!!!! I can picture it all so vividly. Those dreams under the stars together. We could have never imagined what it would look like 5 years later. And yet..its better than we imagined. “I still love you,” a message that needs to be spoken again and again. Even if not with our words, then with our hearts. May our love and friendship grow deeper with our husbands even in the midst of the chaos. Beautiful.

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    1. Thank you so much Rebekah!! I would have never imagined how hard marriage and kids would be! I always pictured Leave it to Beaver I think. But although hard, I would never trade it for June Clever. 😉 And yes, I too pray our relationships will only grow stronger with each passing year!

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  2. Lovely and relatable. We didn’t have that kid-free start, but I do smile recalling there was enough gooiness to inspire goodnatured disgust. 🙂 Three short years later, and the love has changed considerably-it has become that much more durable, expanding over the stuff of life. Amazing what God can do with us.

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  3. So beautiful Sasha! This is expressed well…so much noise, so much busyness… so little time for conversation. Yet the love and commitment, though imperfect, is still there.

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    1. I am so glad you enjoyed it!! It’s crazy how easily the business of life can take those three simple words right out of our mouths. But to say it really does so much.

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  4. So true and timely to address. We can forget about our husbands or at least how to cherish our relationship with him as our lives have evolved through different, difficult stages. It’s so important to marry the one you will stay with even when the easy, romantic love fades.

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  5. Great post– this is so much how I’ve been feeling lately! Especially the “alone” time where one of us is falling asleep. I’m sure he knows I love him, but I still try to tell hubby every day how much he is appreciated…and he’s pretty good at doing the same.

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    1. Stacey, it seems every time we ever find tension between the two of us it is because of a lack of communication. How great you and your husband are so good at telling one another how much you care and appreciate the other!!

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