Hannah’s womb was barren. She could have no children…
“In her deep anguish Hannah prayed to the Lord, weeping bitterly. As she kept on praying to the Lord, Eli observed her mouth. Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard. Eli thought she was drunk and said to her, “How long are you going to stay drunk? Put away your wine.” ~1 Samuel 1:12-14
In the United States alone, 10% of women (6.1 million) are unable to have children.
I wonder, how many of these girls have wept just like Hannah? Pain so deep they can no longer even articulate the words. Longing with everything in them to hold their precious baby in their arms, and yet finding only the sting of another stroller passing by; hearing another momma complain of exhaustion. How they ache to be exhausted in this way.
But their womb remains barren. And their heart raw.
Mine’ was one of these girls.
After one year of marriage she was ready to start baby making. Only to find out there was going to be no easy pink sticks in her life.
Not to give up quickly, her husband, Cody, and herself decided to start IVF. This is long and emotional process, with large amounts of blood work, ultrasounds, and multiple shots in your stomach each and every day. They went through three grueling rounds of this over the course of an entire year, only to end up with just one embryo from it all.
They held out hope for this one though, and waited with bated breath, and lots more injections.
But it was not to be.
It was here, as Mine’ felt her world come crashing down around her, that the doctor very honestly explained that due to her low egg production, the chances of her ever getting pregnant in this way were quite slim.
I wonder if she went home and cried tears like Hannah’s? You know, the kind where you can no longer even articulate the pain that your heart is feeling. After such a long year of hoping and dreaming. Only to find out her womb may forever be bare.
After how many tears, I do not know, but somehow she and Cody decided not to give up. They picked their broken hearts up off the floor and found another route. This time: embryo adoption. This form of adoption comes from those who have donated their embryos to help women just like Mine’.
They found NRFA.org, where they were connected with a family they really liked, who had twins of their own. After a few months of communication amongst one another, they began the adoption process.
Once the embryos were finally placed, they had to wait another ten days to find out if Mine’ was pregnant. “These were the longest ten days of my life!”
She was the first one in the clinic on day ten, but had to wait until that afternoon for the phone call.
And it came.
Finally, after months and months of prayers and doctors and tests and injections and hoping and dreaming and doubting and weeping… “Your test results came back positive. You are pregnant.”
Mine’ was at her parent’s home when the call came. She ran to her own sweet momma, who was outside planting flowers. She collapsed in front of her, weeping. And her mom picked her up as they held onto one another, their tears falling in unison.
And suddenly, it was all worth it. Every last day of it.
Next came the drive to Cody’s work. She asked to speak with him outside but could not wait for their feet to get that far, “I’m 4 weeks and 1 day pregnant!” she blurted out. He simply held her for a long time. The two of them allowing the reality of it to slowly sink in.
It was three weeks later that she, a nervous, anxious momma, went in for her first ultrasound. It was here that she discovered that their family of two would soon be four.
“We have a baby here with a strong heart beat! And a baby here with a strong heart beat!” the doctor exclaimed.
Words will never express her soul that first time she heard her precious boys’ hearts. The doubts and fears crashing down around her. And with each beat she felt her own broken heart healing. She was their momma. Her womb barren no more.
Pax and Beckam were born at 33 weeks and 6 days gestation, and they are perfect.
To all those who are struggling with getting pregnant, don’t give up. Mine’ would be the very first to tell you, don’t give up. Perhaps your child will come through a different means than expected, such as her own story. But don’t lose hope. Never lose hope. There’s Someone up there who sees your tears in the night. Who hears your cries.
You are never alone.