From one momma to another–I understand. This day in and day out parenting thing can be a challenge, a clawing for simple survival sometimes. We’re all in this together though, and so here I am today, ready to share with you my secrets to a thriving momma. Some may consider these to be “kids’ games,” but it is really you who will find the most joy in playing…
Because you get to be the terminally ill patient, i.e., you lie on your back with your eyes half closed. This will be the closest thing you will get to a nap all day, so stay ill as long as possible. Don’t worry about all the poking and prodding and your son forever attempting to jab your eye out. It is a rest time, and this is all that matters.
Because nothing gives you that self esteem boost like that skinny stick waist your daughter clearly understands you possess. And that big head is of course a representation of your brains. This is also a time when you can feel yourself as Picasso, with all the ‘oohs’ and ‘awes’ your children give to your masterpiece. Just remember, it is not really as good as they make you feel, and therefore does not need to be hung on the refrigerator for your husband to see.
3. Hide and go seek
Because it is that beautiful moment when you can sneak glorious junk food into your mouth while counting to ten reeeeeeaaaaallllllyyyyyy slowly. Just make sure to count very loudly as well, because kids have bionic ears and will definitely hear the crinkle of that chip bag from the other end of the house.
4. Dress up
Because we all know you are secretly dying to wear that sexy dress and heels, but what play group ever requires such attire? Go ahead, turn up the music, lay out the runway, get your sexy on. No matter that your audience picks their noses and your dress will most likely be covered in peanut butter and glitter before the hour is out.
Because although your chicken is plastic and your tea pure air, someone is actually waiting on you hand and foot, and you cannot remember the last time this has happened. Plus, this kind of restaurant means not having to apologize to the staff on your way out for the disaster covering a ten foot radius of your table.
6. Balls in the house
Because you secretly hate that lamp you have had for the past 1,000 years but need a good excuse for a new one. Same goes for the vase. And the “culprit” is two years old and cannot speak for himself. This means you can totally blame the ball on him without anyone the wiser.
Because toddlers don’t judge, and those moves you have been forever dying to pull out of the old girl can finally be released with cheers of applause from chubby little hands. Let go, let free. Just don’t make the same mistake as I did and first make sure the curtains are shut!
Because it is the ultimate best workout of all time. And don’t take it personally when you are always selected as the BIG SCARY MONSTER. You are not really that big, I promise. And even with your no makeup, crazy hair up do, you only borderline on scary.
Now what are you waiting for momma? Go play with those little ones today!