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Ugly Mommy Scars

pregnancy

I didn’t gain much weight while pregnant and do not have a single stretch mark across my belly. Before you hate me though, read on. My upper legs grew thick with varicose veins during my first pregnancy. My second spread them to the bottom half as well. So thick and embarrassing on the right side, I wore an exercise band in warm weather to hide them. I was told they would go away after my son was born. Most did, but not all. I am a young mom and yet I bear the marks of an aged woman on my legs.

My breasts were never large before children, but after two babies and lots of nursing, they are now nonexistent. I try not to think about it. The gym is the worst though, because who wears a padded bra working out? I try not be self conscious about it, but it is not always easy. I often feel like I am ten years old.

I have read countless times how these scars of childbirth are beautiful. It is a lie. They are not.

My varicose veins are not beautiful. They are ugly. My boobs are not beautiful. They are gone. Your stretch marks, excess weight, saggy breasts, plagued skin–whatever scars your body holds–they are not beautiful.

And let’s be honest, constructive surgery is not an option for most. Expensive, risky, potential complications, and who can really go have surgery and hop right back home to take care of little ones?

So, for most of us, we carry on, bringing our scars along. We cover them up, wear loose shirts, skirt type swimwear, supportive bras. We keep our secrets from the world, but inside we know they are there. In bed, with our husbands, we know they are there. And sometimes we really just want to make sure the lights are first turned off.

We try to ease our embarresment by calling them “beautiful.” They are not beautiful.

But they are worth it.

For these scars breathe the sweetest gift of life.

The gift which holds on tight to our flawed body in complete trust. The gift which gently strokes our scars in love. The gift which looks at us as we take off our clothes and with all her heart exclaims, “Mom, you are so pretty!” Because to her you really are–stretched belly and all.

And she is gently teaching us that beauty really is not what Cosmopolitan says after all. It is not flowing hair or flawless skin, large boobs and a tiny waist. Beauty is being the one they know will always be there for them, no matter what. Beauty is laughing at their silly antics and kissing their scraped knees. Beauty is cheering them through their successes and holding them through their pains. Beauty is she who lives her life for someone else.

Beauty is what you are to them. They do not care about your stretch marks.

So, go ahead and embrace your ugly mommy scars. You may feel a bit insecure somedays. That’s okay. We are Mom, and every varicose vein in the world is worth being that.

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35 thoughts on “Ugly Mommy Scars

  1. After four kiddos, my tummy is a veritable roadmap. It is hard to feel beautiful even with a hubby who generously compliments. Thank you for the reminder of what beauty really is. Every mark really is so worth it.:)

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  2. This is beautiful! My stomach is lined with stretch marks, as are my legs. My husband tells me I am beautiful and I try to believe him, but it is hard. I know when I have more children there will be more marks, but you are right they are worth it! Thank you for sharing and reminding us all of what true beauty is!

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  3. Hi Sasha. Thanks for this. I have struggled a lot with accepting my post – childbearing body. I don’t have stretch marks and I am lucky for that but pregnancy and nursing took a toll on my beasts as well and I carry nearly 25 pounds of baby weight that I still can’t lose nearly 2 and a half years later. But knowing that the alternative is to trade these beautiful girls and all the precious moments that go along with them, the price no longer seems so high. Beautiful words today!

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    1. Thanks so much for sharing this Lisa! Definitely worth it, even though I completely understand some days you need to remind yourself more than once. 🙂

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  4. Thanks for this post. I struggle with my post-baby-body daily. I am not one of those moms that are good at embracing. I hate my c-section scar and I hate saying that I hate it even more.

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  5. Hey Sasha,
    As always your post is beautifully written. I can totally relate with issues that comes with being mother. I especially love the ending “We are Mom, and every varicose vein in the world is worth being that.” That is absolutely true! I hope you are enjoying your day 🙂

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  6. I agree with you so much. I am a lucky mom. Not just because of my two great children but also because there is no stretch mark on my body and now marks on my legs. But I see what you are talking about re boobs. Mine were not huge but not small either. Because of the breast feeding and the aging they are lower than I would like them to be. I just had this conversation with my husband, who loves my body. He does not see it, but I do. And (I love him for this) he suggested, that if I am not happy, that there is for sure a chest workout that might help…
    Now I worked in the fitness industry and I know chest workouts. And yes you can do something to a certain point. But there is no magic breast lifting, as much as you work on your chest muscles.
    So there we are. Carrying our little issues around. And as you said, every little bit of it is worth it, when you look in your children’s eyes… 🙂

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  7. I love the courage of admitting our Mommy Scars are not beautiful. It has always annoyed me when people spout that platitude. True beauty is just as you described it, Sasha, and that is the confidence mothers should carry with them. I wouldn’t trade a single stretch mark for a even a moment with my boys. But I have no doubt they are ugly! haha

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    1. Thanks John! 😉 I switched over to a self hosted blog last month, hence, no more connection to the wordpress.com “like” button. Happy you are still reading though!!

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  8. Not beautiful, but worth it! Definitely! I agree with this whole-heartedly. I know where you are coming from with the boobs. If I attempt to lose weight that is the first thing to go so then my 7-time-pregnancy-stretched tummy just looks more poochy!

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  9. So true – both the physical ugly and that they are worth it. I’m like you – no stretch marks even after twins and gaining 70 lbs at pregnancy. You know what though, my emotional and mental scars are there. Painful changes. That’s another blog post for ya!

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    1. You most certainly do have bragging rights there with no stretch marks after twins! But I know exactly what you mean, sometimes the scars are much deeper.

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