Category #2 · Daughters · featuredpost · Simple Musings

The Most Important Thing You Can Do For Her

Sasha

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I see her little face come peeking out the bedroom door. “Hi mom!” she exclaims, just waking up from her afternoon nap. “Hi sweety!” I respond, “Do you want to come cuddle with me?”

We snuggle up tight on the couch and she begins to excitedly recount all the many memories of the past few days. That and whatever else grabs her attention at the moment.

I stare into her big blue eyes, which stare back at me with complete love and adoration. Of trust and belonging. Eyes of happiness and peace. No pain, no sorrow, no mean boys or vicious girls leaving their scars upon her beautiful eyes. They smile at me.

“Boston,” I ask, “Will you be my best friend forever?”

“Yes.”

“Even when your 16?”

“Yes, forever and ever!”

I feel the tears begin to burn. I wonder, what really lies ahead for us?

What will life throw at her? In what ways will it try to break her dear form? The thoughts begin to consume me to the point of deep heartache. How I long to keep her sheltered from all the cruelty of this world. If only I could be her protecter forever and ever. . .

That very evening I stumble upon an article by Jenny Rosenstrach, a mom of middle school girls. Girls whose own little hearts are now learning just how mean people can be. In one of those “I don’t know what to do to help them!” moments, Jenny called her own mom. The advise from this wise woman sunk deep into my soul:

“She told me what I already knew: I’d have to sit this one out, as well as the next one and the one after that and the one after that, too. It was time to let the kids figure this stuff out on their own. But in a vehement tone that I imagine she reserves for her most unruly clients (she’s a real estate attorney), Mom did give me one tangible way to help: “You just make sure that when those girls walk in that door every day,” she said, “they never doubt that home is the most comforting place for them to be. That is what you can do.”

In the coming years there will be so much I am unable to do. So many situations I will have to helplessly watch. Rejection, disappointment, heartache, tears. Chances are I will not always be considered the best friend. But to make my home a place of comfort, of warmth and safety–I can do this. I will do this.

With everything in me I am going to try. . .

I sweep my sweet girl onto my lap and hold her extra tight as we read together this evening. I sneak in as many extra kisses as I can. I brush back the tears as I listen to her pure laughter.

~~~~~~~~~~

My dear girl, I will always be here for you, and whether or not you call me your best friend, you will forever be mine.

Life will hit you in many awful ways. Know your tears are never alone, for mine will always match yours in number. With every heartache, mine will be ripped much deeper still.

I may not always be the one you will run to, but I will always be here waiting, just in case. Always with comfort, always with encouragement, always ready to ask, “Boston, do you want to come cuddle with me?”

47 thoughts on “The Most Important Thing You Can Do For Her”

  1. Hi Sasha..

    Your posts give me a sense of hope. I am moved to tears almost all the time. May God bless you and your family abundantly.

    Regards,
    Ayswarya

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  2. Such a beautiful blog! Always makes me think of you and what a wonderful role model you are to me. Xoxo

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

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  3. Beautiful! I was just talking about this subject with my husband last night… Starting to worry about when z goes to school (kindergarten)… 🙂 thanks for sharing your thoughts and the post that encouraged you!

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    1. Sometimes you read something which seems to stick with you for years and years to come. I really believe this wise women’s words will remain in my heart for years to come. Kindergarten is a scary thing!! I cannot imagine what wrecks we will be come high school! 😉

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  5. Stepping back is THE HARDEST part. I’m so glad you have such a firm and sensible plan for this period when it comes. Keep home the very best place to be.

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  6. Thank you for sharing such wise advice! With K in middle school now, I am worrying about her all the time. As you said it, I will make our home her comfort and safe haven.

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    1. Aww, middle school–I can only imagine! You are right in the thick of what I am only starting to prepare for. Prayers for you Veronica, and for your relationship with K to only grow stronger each day.

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  7. So beautiful! My oldest is 8 and the middle one is 5 …. I worry about their future all the time… a given for any mother/parent. The little things we CAN do for them we must ❤

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  9. Very true and a great ending, always being there in a challenging world. Being a new parent I’m trying to put the natural thoughts and worries about the future to the back of my head and enjoy every moment now, even the tough times!

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  11. Beautiful and moving post! I have two little girls and I sometimes think about this. I block it off from my mind most of the time because is scary for me to think my girls will go through heart breaks, dissapointments, mean girls. Is life though but I will be there for them through all of it and give them a warm and safe home to go to. I wish we could protect them forever 🙂

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    1. Yes, the thought of anyone treating my daughter with anything less than kindness breaks me inside. I suppose it is just like everything in life, taking it one day at a time.

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  13. This is beautiful! Speaks to me as a mom of a little girl and as a daughter who’s best friend is her mom! High school was the most trying but after I realized how much she means to me she’s the one I turn to for most things; heartache, advice, outfit help, dinner suggestions, sushi dates, and so much more. I’ll never forgot valentines day when I was in the 10th grade, I didn’t have anyone special at a time that most girls around me did, but when I got home that day she had some balloons, chocolate and the cutest stuffed dog waiting on my pillow, I still have it to this day 🙂

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  14. Sasha,
    You brought me to tears, yet again. I love this one so much. There’s just something about having a little girl, it just does something to your heart. You expressed it perfectly here. I too ponder these same questions. I love how you said your tears will match hers. I feel the same way about Selah. Thank you for writing this most beautiful post. Your daughter is truly blessed to have you. I mean that. ❤ Rebekah

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  15. This is why God gave little children parents. Parents (both a mom and a dad) should be there to protect little hearts and lead them gently into life experiences. Good moms and dads will not use the children to promote their own agendas, nor will they use them to gain notoriety.

    I was in touch with a rather large “ex” football player not long ago and he shared some insight along these lines. He was forced to retire from pro-football because of a tumor in his brain, a tumor caused by repeated head injuries since high school days. He said if he could only give parents one bit of advice, he would say, “Don’t push the children to do things that will ultimate injure them (physically or emotionally). Don’t push kids for your own glory.”

    Some moms insist on the beauty pageants. Then there was Jon Bennet Ramsey.

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    1. Beth, my two are still so young but I can certainly see how tempting it can be to want to push your kids to do those things you can brag about. But to gently help them reach their own dreams and goals, what a beautiful thing!

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  16. The home life is the key. It is more than provisions and activities. It’s the heart of your child, so much of who he or she will grow up to be. We are guardians but also teachers, counselors, models, and ideally, the epitome of Christian love.
    Your daughter is absolutely beautiful by the way!

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  17. Beautiful and insightful…yet again! As I watch on VCR tapes that I am dubbing onto DVD’s (yes, 80’s-2000’s)….I am reminded of my boys’ youth and innocence. And yes, those hard, trying times came….and will continue to come. The hardest thing I have ever had to do as a mom is step aside and let God be God. He loves them so much more than I can perceive…and I have learned over and over to trust Him in that…and I am sure will continue to learn. For it doesn’t matter their ages…they are forever your “babies”….even if they are grown, married men!!

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    1. When I visit home, my mom too has our lives on VCR. I am thinking of converting them all to DVD for her! 😉 Forever your babies–I cannot tell you how much this touched me to hear! Thank you for sharing this, and for reminding me where to find my true strength in Him.

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  19. Sasha, my oldest is 21 and watching him sometimes get his heart broken in these later years has made me ache even more for my little ones. But my boys all know they can come to me with whatever is on their minds, and that is more important to me than anything. Your daughter is blessed to have a mama like you. And we’re blessed to be able to read your word!

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  20. Oh I love how you take my thoughts and put them into eloquent words. My three year old seems to be growing up by leaps and bounds…as slow as the day might pass (especially when school has been cancelled), my boys are growing up so fast and I just want to drink up every minute of their pure sweetness.

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      1. God works in mysterious ways… My toddler just fell asleep in my lap (something that’s very rare now that I’m breastfeeding a one month old). And I decided to reread your post since your reply brought me back to it. I’m sitting here writing this comment with tears in my eyes. We’ve been having a few rough nights lately with the kids and this was a great reminder to cherish all the precious (and sometimes difficult) moments.

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  22. I also read the Real Simple article. I’m happy you reminded me of it in this post. I have 2 little girls and I sometimes think that I’m not ready for what’s ahead. I love that they still want to be with me, play with me, cuddle with me, love on me…this was a great reminder. I, too, want to make “my home a place of comfort, of warmth and safety”. Thanks.

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    1. Emily, wasn’t that article simply beautiful?! I always think of it when I make mashed potatoes now. 🙂 I am so glad this resonated with your heart as well!

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