My Heart · Trying to conceive

She’s Longing For a Child This Christmas

Sasha

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Christmas can be the most joyous time of year. The pitter patter of little feet running out on Christmas morning. The squeals and shouts, the laughter and excitement. . .

Not everyone will feel such joy. For many this day is a sharp wound. Piercing deep in the mother who has yet to hear herself called by this name. She who has tried and tried again, only to see another negative stick, another baby lost in the womb. The adoption at a standstill–again.

To you, dear momma, I have been thinking about you. My heart unable to push you to the back of my mind. With every visit to Santa’s lap I have ached for you. I felt the hot tears fall onto my pillow last night, brushing your searing pain. The emptiness which tries to engulf you.

But what good are my tears to you? I tried to make them worth something. A prayer.

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God of the childless mother, 

She may not have a little one who calls her “momma” just yet, but she is a mother still. Your definition of the word starts with the heart, and hers, tenderly longing, is tenderly felt by you.

I see her as she smiles lovingly on my own child, helping him pick up his cheerios just spilled across the floor. I see her as she acknowledges my shy little girl, telling her just how beautiful she looks this morning. What an incredible mommy she will be. I feel such joy for the soul who will be so blessed as to call her such. 

Today though, her own soul, it’s so wounded. So desperate. 

Meet her at her desperation. Give her the patience–the miraculous patience–she needs.

I see so many “mothers.” Mothers who leave their children, who neglect them, beat them, shame them. They keep on having more babies. Babies who will live through hurt and suffering. Then, I see her. She who would love her child more than life itself. God, why is she the one having difficulty? She who deserves so much to be a mother! If I struggle with this question then I know she does too. I know her hope fades thin. 

Revive her hope. Hope for a day when she will find herself face to face with the child you have destined for her. Mothers come in all different shapes and sizes. Show her the path to take. 

When all seems hopeless, bring your hope. When all falls dark, shine your light. When life slaps much too hard, bring your arms of comfort. Hold her God. For although a mother is her desire, your daughter she is first 

Christmas day, which could bring such pain to her tender heart. May it be a day of hope, of sweet longing for the future. A reminder that one day she too will hear the pitter patter of little feet–feet running straight to her.

Hold her tight this Christmas. She needs you. 

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“The eternal God is your refuge, and his everlasting arms are under you.” ~Deuteronomy 33:27

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31 thoughts on “She’s Longing For a Child This Christmas”

  2. Absolutely beautiful Sasha. A recent post I wrote called, “When All I Wanted For Christmas Was You” shared my experience when I was this woman. I still remember the ache so well, and the longing. You have so tenderly and sensitively acknowledged and honored these women who wait. Thank you for writing this, for them. It is 100% beautiful and I couldn’t agree more. 🙂

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  4. Thank you for this thought and prayer, Sasha. I have been praying for friends who have been trying for so long, 3 of them have finally become parents this year, 1 by adoption. Yesterday, another couple we know just found out they were pregnant and found out they lost the baby (no heartbeat). And my instant thought was how hard this Christmas can get for them, this news being so close to the holidays. I may not fully grasp the pain and frustration they must be feeling, but it must be so much more than what I feel when they confide these feelings to me. I pray for them because I know from the intensity of pain they feel from this longing is the same intensity -and more even- when they love and cherish and treasure the child when it finally arrives. These are the people who deserve to have kids!

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    1. I am so happy for your friends who have finally become parents–what beautiful stories of hope they will have to share with others. I will be praying for your friend who just lost her dear baby. No words can truly express the depths of her agony right now.

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  6. This was such a beautiful post, Sasha. I also often think on those who are aching to have a little one. I don’t know if I’ll ever understand why some have children and so do not, but I know our God is loving and that through our journey with either, He is with us. He is strengthening us and He is carrying our burdens. Beautiful prayer, Sasha. Your heart is so tender and sensitive–something I love about you 🙂

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  8. What a beautiful prayer. I remember the over nine years waiting and giving up. It was a hard time, but God gave grace to live life, finding joy in Him and working with children. Then, He gave me daughters. It is hard to understand why He gave me children, but doesn’t give some the gift of motherhood. My heart weeps for them. Thank you for your prayer and your compassion.

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