I am so excited to feature my first guest blogger! Rebekah’s heart is one of such tender beauty and love, I am forever moved by her writing. How this particular piece has torn into my soul. I am honored to feature it here.
Rebekah, Barren to Beautiful
She charges into the roaring surf at the ocean. And wants to be pushed higher, and higher on the swings. She pets barking dogs. And scales the walls of her crib. She stands on the very edge of the kitchen chairs, like she’s ready to spring off a diving board. And during her baths, she dumps bucket after bucket of water on her head, drenching her face.
How did she come from me?
This dauntless creature?
Who screams louder than I did. Moves faster. Laughs harder. And jumps higher. (In her crib.)
Last week, I set her down in the store and at once she ran to a giant “Back to School” display, grabbed a lunch box for each hand and charged down the aisle just like someone about to miss a flight (except, she was laughing hysterically.)
“Stop!” I’m yelling, “Come back!”
I snatch her up like a squealing pig, and whisper, “Shhh!” in her ear, trying hard not to laugh. But as I’m prying the Hello Kitty lunch boxes, like suitcases, from each of her hands, a wave of loss washes over my heart.
Don’t grow up, Baby Girl.
She’s only one and a half, but is already racing out of my arms the moment they swing open, like a derby horse out of the gate. And I know the day will come when she’s not just heading down an aisle at the store, but another aisle. Where she is dressed in a white flowing gown, and I stand by with streaming tears, and…a thousand tiny memories of her,
are suddenly awakened,
like a thousand butterflies put to flight.
Please, could I catch just one, to keep?
I want to pin her down forever. Right here. Like this. Where I can stroke her soft white-blonde hair, that curls when she wakes-up warm from a nap. And stare deep into her blue eyes, like two worlds. And to grab her skinny, squirming frame, and pull her close against me, if even for a moment. Could we just stay frozen like this forever?
But I can’t pin her down like a butterfly in a collection. And fragile as she seems, she was made to be free.
Free to fly.
My Darling Girl, Sometimes, I fear what you will be. Where you will go. The adventures you will take. And the risk.
But if God has given you wings, I will teach you to fly.
To reach higher than me. Love deeper than me. Run harder than me. Stretch further. And be braver.
For when the world goes dark, your hands may need to strike the match and carry the torch. And when the Dragon invades, your bow may need to shoot the arrows into his heart. But don’t be afraid.
For your Rescuer, Jesus,
is coming back,
and coming soon,
for brave hearts longing for Him.
As I read this blog it brought back so many memories of when my children were much younger! The time just flies past and before we know it they are leaving home in search of their own living. Thank you for the reminder.
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Noelene,
You are welcome! I am glad you were reminded of those sweet memories with your children through reading this! I know it will go quicker than I can even imagine. I am trying to cherish each moment, and I hope I can enjoy her at every stage of life…even if it means apartment or dress shopping someday! Truly every stage with our kids is a blessing!
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This post is so touching. It hit so close to home, as my son is 16 months old. His personality is larger than life. Each moment is full of energy and excitement. I am ever so grateful that he came to me. But oh, even though I get worn out at times, I too wish I could keep this sweet boy forever. Thank you, Rebekah. This is so beautifully written. 🙂
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Marla,
Your little guy sounds like so much fun and adventure! I’m sure he keeps you on your toes in just about every way! Thank you for your kind compliments and I’m glad you can share in the journey of what it means to be a mom! I know exactly what you mean..it can be wearing at times–but I wouldn’t trade this time for anything. They really are precious gifts to be enjoyed. 🙂
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What a gorgeous ending. I followed Rebekah’s blog after you mentioned her (I think) in a blog hope and am so glad you introduced us to her. Thank you so much for sharing. Come rescue us, Jesus!
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I am so glad to hear the Rebekah(s) have united! 🙂 Your hearts really do remind me so much of each other.
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Rebekah,
Hi! So glad you could find me here too! And I feel so honored to be featured on this blog. Sasha’s unique writing has blessed me so much. I guess we like to refer our followers to each other :). But honestly, thank you for reading and sharing your heart. Truly, we long (with all the earth) for the King to return!
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I have an 11 month old baby girl and stay at home with her. I sometimes think about the day I have to let go and it saddens me. I couldn’t help but cry as I read this.
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Alma,
I cried as I wrote it, and even as I edited it–because–they really just are so precious. One of my friend’s has a daughter who is about to go down the aisle in December, and, I remember the day she got engaged, my friend cried. It was so bittersweet. She was so happy for her daughter..but so sad to let her go. “It goes so fast,” she said through tears, “enjoy her.” I hope to. And I hope you can cherish all the time God gives you with your sweet girl too! It will definitely be painful to let them go, but I think it will be less painful if we feel that we haven’t wasted our time doing busy things, but really spent it enjoying them. 🙂
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I cried too, more than once!! I definitely should have put a disclaimer of not being responsible for a supply of Kleenex. 🙂
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This is perfect-two of my favorite bloggers in one place! So beautiful. The writing & childhood. If only we could hit pause at times.
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Keri,
Wow, I feel so honored to be paired with Sasha as a blogger you like! She really is incredible and I have been moved to tears and laughter over and over through her writing. You are absolutely right about wanting a “pause” button. I wish for it all the time: when she’s laughing, when she’s asleep in my arms, when she stares up at me from her stroller during a walk. These are moments I want to keep forever. Thanks for your kind response.:)
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Keri, I am so glad you have discovered Rebekah! I always think of both her and you as hidden gems just waiting to be discovered, with words of such beauty and inspiration forever at your finger tips. Even your “comments” are forever inspiring!! 🙂
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So very touching and true. You’ve so aptly worded the anxieties of raising a baby to let them find her wings. I am so glad Sasha you introduced me to this blog of yours..it’s amazing and inspiring!
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Yeah, I am so happy you have found Rebekah as well!! Hers is a voice needed to be heard.
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Thank you! And I agree that Sasha’s blog is great place to find inspiration! 🙂
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Beautiful!
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Thank you Rochelle! 🙂
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Precious….
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So beautiful and true. Fearless little warriors.
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“Fearless little warriors.” LOVE it!! 🙂
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